I love you, Cluny2
by RattytheScourge
Summary: Rat girl appears in Cluny's camp.
1. A Gift for the Master

The sunset turned the glade purple, where Cluny the Scourge warriors' tents were pitched. Shades became longer, smoke from campfires wreathed in the air – Cluny's soldiers were cooking their diner. Hoarse orders hung in the evening silence, it was about to get dark, and attack maneuvers on the squirrels' fortress also supported by the mice were over. All the camp except for the guards was getting ready to sleep. Cluny entered his tent and sat at the table piled up with papers showing black plans of different attacks. Generally Cluny was not in bad mood, he was quite satisfied with the maneuvers, though some of his soldiers demonstrated miracles of idiotism. So far everything had been right, he had to just think over further actions a little bit, and then he would enjoy the victory. Cluny took a sip of barley-broth and leaned back on the chair. Cluny the Scourge had many victories and no defeats! He smirked and looked at the ferret's scull hanging on a long stick. "So, Brog, now you look at me down as you always wanted!" Cluny laughed himself at his evil joke. Cluny was a war god! Nobody could stop Cluny!

"Master!"

Fangburn and Cheesethief appeared in the doorway.

"What else?" Cluny said angrily. They were here again to complain about each other. Good mood started to fade away like smoke fades in the wind.

"Master, look whom we've caught for you!"

His subordinates' dirty smirks intrigued Cluny. Was it somebody from the fortress? But rats started to jabber interrupting each other.

"A ratty!"

"A pretty one!"

"A little one!"

"Just for you!"

"A cute one, but she fights like hell, it was difficult to catch her!"

"Wanna have a look?!"

Cluny put his barley-broth on the table. It was getting interesting. His subordinates weren't used to catch ratties often. It was interesting, damn interesting!

"Where is she?"

"We've locked her in the barn, former armory."

Cluny got up and smirked.

"Let's visit our guest!"

His words sank in loud roar.

Approaching the barn Cluny swore heavily. Toilet talk sounded from the barn, even Cluny was sick to hear it. Besides, the one imprisoned in the barn was battering at the door so heavily that it could be heard miles away.

"Are you, idiots, sure she is pretty?" Cluny addressed his subordinates who became visibly gloomy. "I don't rely a lot on you taste!"

He waved his paw giving order not to reply as it was too late for excuses as far as he was already there and was to come in.

Cluny could be fearsome. He was amused seeing reaction of different animals peaceful and not on his appearance. They normally balled and started to answer his questions with voice trembling from fear. His huge height suppressed their will; his bossy voice left no possibility to resist. Soon everybody would grovel at Cluny the Scourge's feet!

Cluny swung open the door with a kick and barked:

"You shut up!"

Silence hung in the barn and Cluny managed to distinguish the ratty in the deceptive light of the fires. She was small, almost up to his waist, with a pointed snout and round eyes. She was all dirty, but it was visible that she was wearing a mini skirt, high boots and undervest with something written on it, but the dirt covered the signature. Her fur was grey and awry. She looked a lot like a gob. Casting a measuring look on her Cluny looked her in the eyes having no doubt to see fear there.

However, there was an unpleasant surprise for him. Her eyes grew bigger, but there was not a bit of fear. Blast his only eye, she was looking at him with admiration and adoration! Hardly did Cluny manage his astonishment when he heard her speaking. She stumbled but not from terror, though from excitement as if she saw her dream and was afraid that it would disappear at once.

"Could it be you?.. The famous, fearless, magnificent, mighty warrior… Cluny the Scourge? What a luck and honor for me to see you!"

The ratty bridged her paws on the breast and gave a broad smile to Cluny. Damn it, she was almost jumping for joy that she had met him! Cluny frowned. He had never seen such reaction before, it was strange and awkward. Trying to bring the situation back to the predictable track Cluny sat in the chair prepared for him.

Meanwhile the ratty started to talk more confidently:

"I am your devotee! Look, my shirt says: "I love Cluny". I'm writing a book about you called "A Great Warlord", I collect your favorite swear words and have learned to draw your portraits!.."

Not to finally lose control Cluny commanded:

"On your knees!"

Hell's teeth, he'd better not said it! The ratty got on his knees with a delightful shriek and grasped his clothes so heavily that he hardly shook her off. Giving the small insolent ratty a fearful look he rushed out of the barn, slammed the door and quickly turned the key in the lock. He could not explain her behavior, and he felt uneasy. It was easy to deal with those who hated you or were afraid of you, but what to do with the one crazy about you? A question from Fangburn interrupted his thoughts:

"So? Is she your type?"

Cluny looked back and Fangburn's smirk faded from his snout.

"Let my tail fall off if she's my type! This little nasty crazy thing! You're an idiot to ask me such questions!"

Fangburn scratched his head and said:

"Well, we will stab her and that's that, don't worry, master!"

"No!" Cluny was surprised at his own reply and at the idea that if the ratty would be killed he felt sick. Then he thought it was funny to have somebody like this around, until he was bored with it. Why killing her now? She intrigued Cluny and he wanted to know her better, there was nothing to do, now the fortress was under the siege, attack was at a distant date, maneuvers were going well, why not playing with a living toy?

"Unlock her, and tell her to cook and tidy my tent!"

Cluny headed for his tent, but the ratty's voice sounded in his head…

As Cluny entered his tent he got angry noticing that Redtooth had tried his food when he was out. A mean thing! Did he really think Cluny was so stupid not to notice that his deputy had tried his food? Sometimes Cluny really marveled at his subordinates' intelligence. Deceiving Cluny was impossible. It was as impossible as to beat Cluny. You should get your head around it to reach old age. Cluny sat down on his bed and scratched his head. He could not kill Redtooth now, he needed him for the time being, Cluny could not just give him a good telling-off for the boldness, there would be rumors that Cluny softened. Should he beat Redtooth? It would be useless… Having cursed Cluny cast the food fouled by Redtooth away from his tent and got to bed. Wouldn't this damned mouse in hoody appear in his dream! It was better to think something else, then she wouldn't appear.

Falling asleep Cluny engineered different traps for the ratty. She was so passionate persuading him that she loved him, so he would check it. Eventually all animals were the same. Everybody was striving for power and ready to stab him in the back. No matter weak or strong, young or old, and even good or evil, everyone would finally betray him, if he went soft. Cluny knew it, he himself employed betrayers many times, and there were so many attempts to betray him. And the ratty was the same. It was funny to rule situations knowing beforehand how animals would act. It was like playing a game, and other animals were action figures. And him, Cluny the Scourge was standing above them all and moving them the way he wanted, and when he was bothered with somebody, he would throw him away. He fell asleep with these thought.


	2. New Rules for the Old Game

No miracle happened. The damned mouse in hoody had appeared in his dream again. With her thrice-cursed sword with a word on it that was not to be said in a nice company. Cluny sat on his bed and cursed all mice separately and together. He didn't get better. His mood could not be worse. Sleepy and angry he left his tent mumbling threats to the imagined mouse.

From far away he heard ratty's lively voice, that wafted all over the meadow. Cluny saw the ratty standing over a huge steaming boiler and stirring the broth with a ladle. Rats free from work were crowding around her and listening to her attentively. Cluny was really angry because of it, though he didn't know the reason. Probably because he had not been able to sleep well because of this nasty skinny mouse in hoody.

"If only I knew that you are the warriors of the famous Cluny, " the ratty continued her started phrase, "I wouldn't be so nasty. I'm ready to kiss your paws for your bringing me to him! That's a slice of good luck! What a score! Thanks a bunch!" She gave a broad grin as if she'd just kicked her mortal enemy. Suddenly her lips started to shake and her eyes started to shine with the coming tears. "Damn it! Cluny heard me cursing! What would he think about me? Everybody started to console her, and the ratty cheered up again. She started to stir the boiler contents even more violently."

"But he has released me! Guys, imagine, he has let me tidy up his tent! Can you imagine – entering Cluny the Scourge's tent! I could little dream about it…"

Cluny heard enough. Sweet talk and run around again. Surely he didn't wait the ratty to scold and curse him while she was imprisoned by him. Everybody wanted to live. Cluny entered the tent and prepared a surprise for the ratty. He had drawn a plan of attack on the fortress and tucked it under the pillow so that its' corner stuck out a bit. An old trick that still worked out so many times! Just as many times as Cluny did it. He smirked and walked around the tent to spend enough time for the rats to have breakfast. After leaving the tent he kicked almost all of the rats out to the forest to build siege towers and huge crossbows so that the camp got almost empty. He sent off the majority of guards to hunt, and didn't wake up the rest, he would get profit from their today's sleep. It was time to have fun! Cluny came up to the ratty who was washing the boiler. With a most serene look he commanded:

"Tidy up my tent, while I'm out!"

"With pleasure!" The ratty smiled and ran to the tent. Cluny pretended to have left the camp going round, and quickly approached the tent. There were high bushes on the backside of the tent, and there were a special hole for spying that Cluny closed with a thorn when he didn't need it. Cluny looked in the hole. The ratty was signing and sweeping the earthen floor in the tent with a broom made of tied branches. She was spinning round the room, her every move showed her joy as if there were nothing more pleasant in the world than sweeping the floor. She was smiling, her pointed snout radiated her good mood. The ratty seemed to give Cluny her smile so that he also smirked. The sweeping was finished, now the ratty started to tidy up the table piled up with papers. She stacked the scrolls quickly and carefully, casting no look at them to Cluny's surprise. Wasn't she curious at all? Looking at the food left for Cluny the ratty wrinkled her nose ridiculously.

"Is it really food for Cluny? Will he allow me to cook lunch for him, I wonder. I'd make something special!"

Could she play the hypocrite with herself? If not, it was really strange… Cluny kept on spying. The ratty hung Cluny's coat and started to make the bed. There she noticed a sticking edge of the plan. Cluny knew what was going to happen. The ratty saw that the camp was empty except for sleeping guards. A perfect chance to disappear with the plan that would come into a snag of money from desperate defenders. Cluny smirked. Here we go.

"How can you hide important papers under pillow?" Shaking her head the marveled ratty stuffed the plan under the pillow so that it wouldn't stick out. She didn't read the plan that was under the pillow just like the papers on the table.

Keeping on singing the ratty looked around the tent, set right the blanket and came out. Cluny went round the tent, came in and took a good sip of his barley-broth. He would never believe this unless he had seen it himself with his only eye. Let him never kill his single enemy, it was damn interesting! What a strange creature. But Cluny had more tests for the ratty.

The ratty's pointed snout appeared in the doorway.

"May I come in? I noticed you've arrived."

"Speak up."

The ratty came into the tent and stopped before Cluny, she was considerably nervous but it was quite clear – she was talking to Cluny the Scourge. Pressing her paws against her breast with a stupid text "I love Cluny" the ratty started to talk:

" I… I've come to… to say sorry."

"Hell, for what?"

"For my yesterday night trick. I'm… really sorry. I…" the ratty inhaled more air. "I misunderstood you…"

"Hell with that, forget it!" Cluny wrinkled remembering the yesterday's scene. For some reason he didn't want to discuss her behavior. A foolish idea occurred to Cluny, may be because he liked it? Smirking at this foolishness Cluny wanted to send the ratty away when she started over again:

"Thank you! I wanted to suggest you… well… " the ratty started to stumble again which drove Cluny nuts.

"What else? Say it quickly and get out of here!" Cluny washed down all his anger with barley-broth.

The ratty worked up the courage and shot out:

"I heard you wanted to learn playing chess. So, for me it would be a great privilege if you let me show how to play."

The ratty jerked up her chin looking upwards at Cluny with her shiny eyes.

Cluny burst out laughing. A small vixen! It was getting interesting with her, and Cluny got his trophy-chess from the trunk.

" So, show it! We play?

The ratty brightened.

\- Absolutely!"

Cluny felt that he was not alone playing the game where other animals were just action figures. The ratty also conceived something. But Cluny the Scourge always won. Always, everywhere and at everything!

Cluny quickly grasped how to play chess. When they started to play Cluny didn't doubt that he would outgame anyone quickly. But the ratty was a good player; she moved her pieces crafty and wisely, made traps for Cluny's pieces. Every time taking a Cluny's piece off the chessboard she rejoiced like a child clapping her paws. Her passion and joy went viral on Cluny, and he also started to yell, knocking her pieces down. Giving all his mind to mate the ratty's king Cluny smirked:

"Surrender, baby, you get mate!"

"Nothing of the kind!"

"It's mate, damn it!"

"It's not!"

Cluny stretched out to take her king off the board, but at the same time she stretched her paw not to let him to. Both grasped the piece, their paws touched and eyes met. Something happened, something more than a touch, Cluny felt something new, it was much better than drown enemies in their own blood. For sure killing thousands of enemies wouldn't bring about the same feeling. It was damn strange… The ratty interrupted the hanging silence:

" It's mate!"

…The maneuvers turned out to be a failure. Likely because Cluny could not completely focus on commands as his thoughts were occupied by the ratty. The damned ratty was smiling, winking, putting chess pieces on the board, sweeping the floor. Cluny couldn't think of anything else. Why hadn't she stolen the plan finally? A strange and ridiculous creature.

"Have you said something, master?"

Suddenly Cluny realized that it was a long time since he had murmured something in front of his whole army as a crazy idiot. Damn it! Cursing Cluny gave orders to Redtooth to replace him, and he himself would walk along the fortress wall to look if somebody from the siege had shown. It was hot as in hell, and Cluny didn't wear his armor. Wrapping himself up in his coat he quickly headed to the wall defending the fortress.

Silence hung in the hot air, even insects were not buzzing. The besieged fortress that ventured to have challenged Cluny the Scourge also kept gloomy silence. Everything seemed all right, and Cluny had already turned back when suddenly the bushes moved slightly, and wooden dart pierced Cluny's paw. Yelling out plenty of curses Cluny removed the dart from the wound and cast it back to the bushes hoping to stab the shooter. Cluny was followed by arrows and darts while cursing anything and everything he was running back to his camp. Yelling and shrieking the rats were scattering every which way.

"You idiots! Siege, damn you all! All forest is filled with these damn shooters! I will teach you, bastards, how to make war even if you won't stand my lessons! Everyone's out in the forest for security sweep, and if a single scoundrel in the forest stays alive you'll know Cluny the Scourge in anger!"

Cluny screwed up his face rubbing his wounded paw, leaving red track behind. Damned shooters! Cluny just began cursing the shooter himself and his family when ratty's voice interrupted him:

"Oh, you're wounded!"

Cluny spit at her side.

"Yeah, babe, you're so watchful!"

Dodging the spit the ratty took Cluny by the healthy paw.

" I will bind you up! Come quickly!"

Noticing how threatened the ratty was to see the blood Cluny burst out roaring.

"Don't you think this scratch will kill me? I'm not a civilian!"

The ratty answered nothing. Having frowned she almost dragged Cluny to his tent.

Sipping his barley-broth Cluny cast a look at the ratty who was nursing him. She was carefully cleaning the wound.

" Does it hurt?"

Suddenly Cluny thought that only this ratty meant him well in his life truly and sincerely. Not because of fear, not hoping to get an ample award, not wishing to get promoted. She just wanted to help him. Not answering her question Cluny asked her:

"Tell me, sweetheart, what is love? You're always saying "love", "I love…" I think it's as stupid as honor, dignity and other stuff like this."

The ratty stopped and wide opened her eyes:

" How can you say things like this? To say this is to deprive yourself of a glorious feeling. It is to close the door to a beautiful and wonderful world yourself. Shall I tell you what love is? But this is what thousands of poets and writers work at, and they can't describe it. I will tell you what it means to me. Each day plays out in bright fresh colors, every days seems like a festival. You feel like you walk in the clouds, and the sun gently kisses your cheeks. Something wonderful settles down in your soul, and even one moment with your sweetheart gives you strengths and joy. You laugh, and you can do anything. A weak who has fallen in love becomes strong, a coward - brave, a stingy - generous, an evil – good. Love provides us most uplifting experience. You seem to wake up after a long sleep, open your eyes and see the beautiful world around. And it is likely to be so good if you find out that your feeling is mutual! – The ratty began talking in a low voice, gradually her voice became louder, and she almost cried out the last words. She seemed to see what Cluny didn't see or could not see, as if she were in a different world, in a fairy tale."

"And what if the feeling is not mutual?"

"Then you should take a grip on yourself and wish happiness to your sweetheart. Even unanswered love is a priceless gift from our fate. If I had a choice not being in love or to have unanswered love I would choose the second. Because I am happy when I love. I believe you will find one whom you'll love and who will love you back." The ratty lowered her head fixing the bandage, though Cluny had a chance to notice tears shining in her eyes. "I wish you happiness. Get well soon." The ratty got up easily and left the tent.

Cluny followed her with his eyes. What a speech, damn it! Should he have fixed it?! He yawned and went to bed. He could still hear her words in his head. "I wish you happiness!" He was already happy! Who had the most powerful army? Cluny the Scourge did. Who had killed so many enemies that he lost count to them? Cluny the Scourge did. Whose name terrified everyone in the world? His name did. So who was finally the happiest one? Cluny the Scourge was. Everything was simple and easy. However, Cluny was not able to say exactly what happiness was. It seemed to be as stupid as love, honor and dignity. Cluny fell asleep with these thoughts.


	3. Slavery without Shackles and and Bars

Cluny had no way to run away from the mouse in hoody. His paws were sticking in a damned swamp, his running became walking, and the hot-eyed mouse kept approaching him. No way to leave, to run away, to creep away from the dispassionate avenger! Cluny felt up to turn to his opponent. The mouse raised the sword that shined with a million of beams. Cluny roared.

"Wake up! Wake up! It's a nightmare."

Cluny sat in bed. The ratty shook him by the shoulder.

"Hell, what are you doing here?!" Cluny shook off her paws from his shoulder. The ratty didn't take offence and flattering her eyelashes she explained:

"You've cried so fearfully! My heart has almost stopped. I was not far away sitting at the fire, that's why I've arrived quickly. I thought somebody was killing you."

The ratty turned away, went to the table, poured some water to the cup and offered it to Cluny.

"I can sit with you and tell you some nice story so that you don't have bad dreams anymore, if you want."

Cluny burst out roaring. That was how warriors turn into civilians. Soon he would gather daisies and grow belly.

"No way, sweetheart, I can go through my nightmare myself. Don't worry, I won't cry myself to sleep." Cluny reversed the cup of water on his head and showed her the door. Suddenly she looked defiantly in his eye.

"You can be rude as long as you want, I won't leave until you fall asleep. If you want, you can use force and kick me away, but I won't leave myself."

"You can stay till the morning, nuts to you!" Cluny grumbled. He would see her damned first! He didn't want to bother kicking her away. She could stay, she didn't occupy much space. Cluny started to think over the following attack tactics, and then he tried to think who of his soldiers left the fortress defenders out of the siege, who was to blame for all this garbage in the forest.

Cursing once more the mouse in hoody Cluny pretended sleeping and snored studiously. He wondered what the ratty would do. Would she slash his throat with a knife? She stayed for a reason. Noticing that Cluny fell asleep, the ratty behaved strange as always. She carefully sat on his bed not to wake sleeping Cluny as she believed, and also carefully put her head on his chest. Cluny recruited all his willpower to continue snoring. The ratty started to murmur something, better say, whisper something to somebody, maybe to herself, or maybe to sleeping Cluny as she believed.

"I… it's so difficult for me. I'm so stupid, I'm always doing something wrong that gets you angry. It's all wrong, not what I thought it would be. I mean well. I wish I could tell you that I love you!" The ratty sobbed and added. "O, Heaven, please do something that Cluny loves me a little bit, that will be enough!"

The ratty raised and kissed Cluny in the cheek. Her touch was soft as if a butterfly touched him. The ratty sat in the chair next to his bed, put her paws on the elbow, her head – on her paws and was watching Cluny until she fell asleep. Cluny stopped snoring and looked at the ratty. She was sleeping soundly rolling up in his chair. His coat was on the chair and she wrapped herself in it as in a blanket. A little nasty vixen! It would never occur to Cluny that she could have said something like this! "Heaven, please, do something that Cluny loves me a little bit!" Cluny sniffed scornfully. Hell no! Love was stupid and he didn't need it. He would win without it!

Cluny looked at the sleeping ratty again. He could not resist the wish to touch her. Stretching the paw Cluny slightly dabbed her soft fluffy body with his claw. Sleeping ratty scratched the place where he dabbed her, turned to her other side and murmured:

"Cluny, don't…"

Could she been dreaming about him? Cluny wanted to watch the ratty longer. Then he would kick her away. To get more comfortable Cluny lay in the bed and fell asleep unwittingly.

Opening his eyes Cluny well stretched himself. The ratty was not in the tent. The fact that it hadn't been a dream was proved by the coat carefully folded and laid on the chair, not thrown loosely. The mouse in hoody was not a dream, but it didn't surprise him as Cluny saw her in his dream once a night, every night, still it was pleasant. As usual there was a barley-broth on his table that he was already sick with. There was nothing to do, there was only beer. And grog was a beverage for junior officers only.

" I need to be glad with the pillage, " Cluny grumbled, drinking the beverage and leaving the tent.

Grabbing the first rat by the back of the neck he barked:

"Have you killed all the bastards in the forest?!"

The rat hesitated and Cluny had to give him a good shake to get an answer.

" M-master, we've hunted all the forest, there's no one!"

"And who did wound me in the paw?! Were they butterflies?! Damned bastards, have you decided to raise the siege and leave empty-handed? Who has decided that, let him tell it to me at once and he'll go to the next world quickly! I'll bury you! You will know how to neglect my commands! Or have you made an arrangement with squirrels, you betrayers! Whether you bring me the tails of the shooters by the night or I'll cut yours! Push off!"

Cluny kicked the rat forward and angrily went around the camp, swinging his tail hard right and left.

Cluny spent all the day amending different faults in siege towers and other facilities where his gallant soldiers had screwed up. After giving commands, Cluny sat at the fire to eat and have rest. His head was spinning, so many things to do, moreover to do himself! He couldn't rely on anybody except himself. Cluny cursed weary. The ratty revolved around the fire giving him food. At least peckings became normal with this ratty! Before that he was fed rubbish. Sinking his teeth in fried meat Cluny restarted to think over different ways to attack the fortress. Who would do it if it was not for him? Idiots were all around! He overheard that the ratty was telling him some stuff about her dreams and other rubbish. He was totally lost in his thoughts when the ratty asked a question loudly enough to throw him off the track.

"Would you like to build up your own castle and live there with your beasts?"

"Hell no!"

Surprised the ratty widened her eyes:

"What's wrong with that?"

"That's it, babe, there's nothing wrong with it. However, there's so many good thing about that. You can become a civilian!"

Cluny said "civilian" as if it were a very strong curse. But when he started talking he wanted to tell about his past affairs to prove how a pirate's life differed from one of civilian beasts. Cluny colorfully described the great battles where he had emerged the winner, the ships he had ran down, countless treasures he had stolen and coffined. The ratty listened to him with wide-mouthed astonishment. Gesturing furiously Cluny suddenly felt as an amateur talking big about his first battle. Stopping speaking he began to think over the siege of the fortress again.

"Do you often think about it?"

The fortress? Yes, Cluny was thinking of it not only often, but also almost all the time.

"Yes, I do it often, almost all the time."

"And… you want to conquer it?"

"Hell yes! It's all perfect and it should belong to me solely!"

Suddenly the ratty jumped up, stamped her hindpaw and looked at Cluny defiantly. She glared at him. Did she get mad?

"How can you treat me like this?!" She shrieked. "I'm not a thing, I'm also a living being, I have feelings! Why are you hurting me?!"

Cluny was really stunned with her words. She started to tutoyer him, but the most important was that Cluny could not understand what she was saying and what she wanted from him. Cluny was so amazed that he even started to apologize:

"Hell, I never laid a finger on you!"

"Don't pretend to be stupid! You know perfectly well what I mean!" The ratty cried. Tears started to run down her cheeks, she dashed them away with a jerk. "You know how I feel, and I'm telling you everything like it is and you continue to think about this "damned pretty" mouse Cornflower! I hate you!" The ratty turned and rushed away. Cluny blankly watched her leaving."

"Take it easy, master!" Cheesethief approached the fire waddling. "They are ratties!" He said the last word with a curious sight. "We will never understand them."

Cluny almost dropped his jaw.

"You understand a lot!"

" That's the point, master, I don't understand anything. The one I love left me only because of such trivial misunderstanding."

Cluny was utterly speechless. He thought his subordinates could only think of food or promotion. He considered love being a stupid thing existing in civilians' heads. And the next moment of all things it was "the one I love"!

"For example, what the misunderstanding?" Fangburn interrupted.

Cheesethief plopped down on the ground and looked at the fire with a most unhappy look:

"Why remembering this? The past is dead. I paid little attention to her, that's why she left. And when I realized that I loved her it was already too late."

Fangburntook a good sip of bad grog from the bottle:

"You ain't seen nothing yet! My sweetheart left me because I hadn't given her flowers! She jerked me my flowers in the snout and cried "Pest on you, bastard!""

Cluny was sitting and discovering new details of his soldiers' private lives.

"How come, she should have been glad to receive flowers," Cheesethief wondered.

"It turned out that you cannot give two flowers! How should I know?! It's better to smoke, drink and kill than love someone like her, isn't it?"

"Not for you!" Cheesethief replied spitefully. "You're totally mad!"

"Because she is very beautiful!" Fangburn wailed taking his head in his paws. "She has fluffy white fur and shiny eyes! Everybody was jealous when we walked together!"

"But you didn't love her! " Cheesethief suddenly added. " You only walked with her for everybody to say that you'd picked up a pretty ratty!"

"I loved and I still love her!" Fangburn growled searching his spear with the paw shaking from anger.

"You didn't!" Cheesethief kept on teasing him.

"You both go along!" Cluny shouted, hitting their backs with his tail.

Did everyone go mad here?! Love, love… What a lot of rubbish! Was it only Cluny who thought it was stupid? Maybe everyone was susceptible to this disease except for the great warrior Cluny. But to himself he thought that he didn't know his subordinates at all. It was bad. You need to know well weaknesses of your soldiers. Bur Cluny could not even suppose that not only civilians believed in love. It turned out that his soldiers were also entrapped with these baby fairy-tales. Damn it, being smart among all those stupid animals was so difficult!

Suddenly a light jest occurred to Cluny. He even started to giggle like an idiot. He picked two wild flowers and headed to the ratty to give them to her. He wondered how she would act. Cluny found the ratty near the farthest fire. She was brushing the boiler, murmuring something and sniffling.

Cluny came up to her. The fire flame lighted up his tall figure. The ratty turned and Cluny gave her the two flowers:

"This is for you, deary. Flowers."

Awaiting the answer "Pest on you, bastard!" Cluny was thinking of a fitting reply. But she kept silent. She slowly took the flowers from Cluny's paws and took them to her nose. Smelling them she jumped and rushed to embrace him:

"Oh, Cluny, you're the best, best one in the world! I love you so much!"

The ratty kissed Cluny's one cheek, and when she was going to kiss another, their lips met. The time seemed to stop, stars were twinkling bright in the sky, and the wind was singing "I love".

On the way to his tent Cluny tried to listen to his own feelings. Maybe he had missed something in life never being in love? The ratty was drawing a picture – "I walk in the clouds" and so on… What did Cluny felt kissing the ratty? No doubt, it felt good. He even felt some excitement, like one before an important fight. Was it love? Cluny wondered what it was like – falling in love. Everybody in love acted like idiots, and they were happy as if they'd killed their mortal foe. It was damn interesting what they were feeling?

Having approached his tent Cluny noticed that somebody was inside it. Going shortly inside Cluny caught Redtooth trying his food by surprise. He jumped off the table guiltily. Trying to find excuse Redtooth mumbled:

"Master, I…"

"I was gobbling your food!" Cluny finished for him. " Let it do no good to you!" He wished.

Redtooth started to siddle towards the exit when Cluny asked:

"Hey, Redtooth, are you also in love?"

Redtooth smirked bluntly.

"Well… I am, master, is it against the rules? It's not forbidden by the charter…"

"Come your way, loony, with your charter! You're an idiot as everybody else!"

Redtooth already approached the door when Cluny hailed him.

"Here, finish this damned barley-broth!"

Lying in his bed Cluny struggled to concentrate on the fortress siege plan. Everything seemed ready, but Cluny struggled to decide how to dispose his troops because he was thinking of the ratty. Suddenly a stupid phrase occurred to him. A mess in private life brings a mess in business. But he seemed to be fine. Today he had kissed the ratty. But did he love her? Cluny shook his head to let thoughts of the ratty go. He was totally fed up getting nervous because of nonexisting stuff. Cluny the Scourge would win! He fell asleep with this thought.


	4. War with Oneself

Cluny had a nightmare. He didn't dream about the mouse in hoody, the new nightmare was much worse. Cluny dreamt that he became a civilian. It was awful! Cluny was looking at his body and could not recognize it. He was accompanied by his servants who were trundling his huge belly in front of him in a wheelbarrow. Cluny shrieked, swung his tail and was frightened out of senses. The tip of his tail had a band instead of thorn on it. Cluny wanted to close his eye with his paws and saw that his claws were cut to the quick. He never felt so helpless before. Cluny wailed in despair, surprised by feeling tears running down his cheeks. All around it thundered:

"We love you, Cluny!"

Cluny sat on his bed.

"If THAT happens, I'll kill myself!"

Cluny looked at his paws, seeing with relief his claws, felt his waist checking if his belly was flat. Mopping his brow with a shaking paw, Cluny said:

"This is but the sign I should not fall in love. I think it can be deathful. For me love is incompatible with life. Hell, that's it!"

Cluny was sleepless the rest of the night. He was afraid to have the same dream again. It was better not to sleep at all than having dreams like that. He could go mad with all this. Not everyone can stand such nightmare without risk for his mental health.

"Tomorrow I start dieting!" He promised to himself. "And of course no love, no tenderness with the ratty."

Having left the tent Cluny looked around the meadow gloomily. His head was a real mess. Different stupid thoughts passed through his mind. For example, he wanted to kiss the ratty again. Or he wanted to give her something nice, so that she would smile. Her smile… Cluny shook his head, remembering his promise to himself.

"Put the ratty out of your head!" He commanded himself realizing that he was gathering flowers. "Otherwise you'll become a civilian!"

It was already the first stage of becoming a civilian – he was not thinking how to please himself, but how to please somebody else. It was dangerous. Approaching the fire where the breakfast was cooked Cluny almost settled his mind.

"Good morning!" The ratty smiled at Cluny. He didn't reply. As if that wasn't enough, to the hell with that!

The ratty offered him fried meet. He was about to sink his teeth in the hot food when he remembered his promise to himself. Making a face Cluny pinched off a small piece with his claws and started to chew putting the plate aside:

"What's wrong, Cluny?"The ratty looked at the tried meet in wonder. " Is it bad?"

"I'm dieting, "Cluny grumbled drinking plain water from the cup, because belly could also grow with beer.

"What is the diet, Cluny? " The ratty wondered sincerely. "You're in good shape!"

"So I hell want it stays the same! If you have finished, kiss off!"

But it was not easy to kick the ratty away. She was so stuffed with stubbornness that she just didn't heard what she didn't want to.

"Firstly, you don't put on weight eating meat! Secondly, you're not fat! Thirdly, don't be rude and explain to me what is wrong. Yesterday when we said good-bye everything was fine!" The ratty stared at Cluny. His wish to kiss her doubled and he roared, angry with himself for this weakness:

"Everything's fine today as well! Go along!"

" Haven't you slept well, you're already so angry in the morning? " The ratty asked anxiously.

"I slept well, " Cluny said yawning widely."This is the last time I'm telling you to go along or you'll suck it!"

"Will you hit me? " The ratty said slowly as if not to believe her ears!

" Hell, why not! I'm Cluny the Scourge. My will is the only law in the world! I'm the boss and I do what I want!"

The ratty jumped on. Her eyes sparkled, and her paws clenched into fists:

" You know what, Cluny the Scourge?! " She said angrily. "You're an egoist and a heel! I've taken offence. Until you reconsider your views, I won't talk to you! " Uttering the last words as a deadly threat the ratty slowly went away hoping it looked worthily.

Cluny cursed with relief. Finally, she had left. But instead of being in good mood he felt bad. He didn't sleep well. He was hungry as a bear. Cluny looked at the fire with his eye red after sleepless night. Why did he feel so bad? Cluny tried to think of the besieged fortress, that should had been attacked long ago, but suddenly he realized that he was not interested in the fortress any more. He didn't want it and that was all. Ok, he would conquer the fortress, and what? He wouldn't settle there. He was still young, he was to play the seas and terrify other ships for many years to go! Why did he need this mean fortress? But if he drew in, there would be rumors that would get new details, they would say Cluny the Scourge turned chicken before a peaceful fortress. He could not let it happen. He had to conquer the fortress! He yawned again. He couldn't do business in state like this. He would sleep an hour or two, and then he would make up a plan with a clear head. A simple and perfectly crafty plan as usual. And the name Cluny the Scourge would terrify animals even more than it used to!

While Cluny was going to the tent he could not see the ratty anywhere. That was right. Out of the sight out of the mind! The life was calmer like this.

In the tent he fell down his bed and murmured:

"Not to hell dream it again, hell with that dreams! Cluny the Scourge don't chicken out before dreams like this…"

" Master!"

" Ma-a-aster!"

"Master, wake up!"

Cluny fought to open his eye and cursed Redtooth who came in:

" Why the hell you wake me up in the middle of the day?! I was sleeping so good. I had no dreams! I wish I could sleep forever.

"Master, I have two news for you…"

"Bad and, devil fly away with you, good ones?! " Cluny interrupted. "Have I got it?"

" Yes, master, which one I…"

" Start with the bad! " Cluny cursed tiredly. A series of misfortunes started, nobody wanted to help him turn events around. He had to always do everything alone and himself.

" Our scouts reported the big troops is coming to the aid of the besieged fortress. There're two badgers and many hares. They will arrive by the midnight."

Cluny clutched his head with his paws. The wait was over! It was over! Now he should take what he had. Cluny didn't even ask why the scouts hadn't noticed the troops before. Why wonder if his whole army was a crowd of idiots. Not knowing the good news prevented him from unleashing the fury of his wrath on Redtooth.

" You want to know the good news, master? "Redtooth continued joyfully all of a sudden. "Remember, you've noticed a bay not far from here – there's a moored ship, guess whom it belongs to? Murg the Fierce himself! Ha-ha, his animals are tired of floating, they're getting some rest. They say, they've captured a plentiful killing in red battles and they are exhausted."

"Why haven't you mentioned that first, you moron?! " Cluny cursed joyfully. All problems resolved in and of themselves! Luck favored Cluny the Scourge again. Could it be otherwise? Ermine Murg the Fierce made the main mistake in his life last season when he had soaked his face in a tavern and insulted Cluny the Scourge. At that time there had been too many animals of Murg, and when Cluny finished killing all of them Murg had escaped with a whole skin. The ermine knew that Cluny never forgot anything and craftily escaped the revenge. Now Cluny would take him without a hand's turn! And he would get the ship with a plentiful killing. Nobody would ever remember the fortress! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Cluny commanded to stow the camp and get ready to fight. Rats loving sitting duck were all excited. Cluny's mood bettered and he entered the tent to pack his plans. Stuffing the folded papers in a bag Cluny noticed a small note. It was written in fine and nice handwriting, but the paper seemed to have soaked something. Cluny started to read.

"Dear Cluny, I have decided to leave. It will be better for all of us. Seeing you so close and feeling that your soul is far away from me has become unbearable for me. I hoped my love would be enough for the two of us, but it was a mistake. I can't make you love me, and I don't need it. I wish you to meet the one you will love, and who will love you back. Good-bye. Yours anyway, the ratty."

Hell, she had left! Instead of feeling relief Cluny was afraid. Where could have she gone? Murg's animals were crawling everywhere. And what was for the animals from the fortress resentful because of the siege? Imagining that he would never see the ratty again Cluny was terrified. Cheesethief's words "When I understood that I had fallen in love it was too late" occurred to him. Too late! It was too late for Cluny to realize that the ratty became dear for him. Where could have she gone? The ratty had told him something about her home grounds, and where she had headed before Cluny's solders caught her. But he hadn't listened to her. He had turned deaf ear to her! Remembering her laughter, her smile, her sincere feelings to him Cluny started to dress himself in armor. His paws were shaking. If only he was in time! Cluny remembered the kiss with the ratty. Different moments of their getting together were whirling in his head. He could not lose her, hell, he couldn't! Why had he kicked her away? Because of a stupid dream. He abandoned something dear because of a damned sign! What a fool! And what had been his last words to her? Kiss off!

Cluny grasped his sword and rushed out of the tent.

" Cluny, you look great in your fighting costume!"

Hearing the famous voice Cluny stopped short. The ratty stood before him defiantly sweeping her eyes over him head to toe. She behaved as if nothing had happened. The nasty ratty had played him a trick not going to leave anywhere! Cluny cast the sword aside, grasped her by the shoulders and shook her violently:

" You! " Cluny roared right in her snout, choked with anger. " You! The little! Vixen!"

" Have you worried about me, Cluny? " The ratty smiled as if not seeing that Cluny was ready to tear her to bits.

Cluny cast her to the earth.

"No! " But he himself didn't believe his answer, not to mention the ratty. Getting his breath he continued in regular manner:

"We're leaving, we're stowing the camp. Put all my clothes to the trunk."

"OK, Cluny. "The ratty headed to the tent.

"Also put some food to the brown bag!"

" If you say so, Cluny! " The ratty almost reached the tent.

"You, it's important, you hear me? " Cluny hailed the ratty after her entering the tent and she had to look outside.

"Yes, Cluny?"

" Put my plans carefully to the black bag, do not tear or lose anything!"

" I'll do it, Cluny."

"I forgot to mention one little point!"

"What's the point, Cluny? " The ratty asked tiredly.

"I forgot to tell you that I've hell fallen in love with you, the little vixen!"


End file.
